4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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