Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
