Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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