birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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