He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
