so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
