why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
