I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
