conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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