allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
