I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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