Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
