take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
where are you?
Hypothermia
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
