I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
