just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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