Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
