i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
