He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's rum buckets o'clock
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
