This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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