He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
