i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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