I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
