I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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