My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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