I got chris browned last night
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
