look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
