You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
