I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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