you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
