Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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