I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I touched a dick in church today
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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