elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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