I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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