We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
