Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
