Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
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I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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