I'm lost and stupid without you.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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