i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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