I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
