Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
