The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
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My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
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I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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