Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
