we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
