so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
