If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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