Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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