Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
