this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
whose parrot is this?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
