Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
