i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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