I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
