I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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