Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Fuck me I smell like cheese
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
