you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
no, he came in my armpit
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
