My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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