After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
