My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
accomplished twins. life is a go
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
