im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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