i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
