Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Oh god it's open bar.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
