if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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