I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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