Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
