so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Someone shit on the floor
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
