Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Randomize
