Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just googled if crying burns calories
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
