I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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