Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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