I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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