i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
