I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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