Don't make out with my wife yet
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
